Giving Loneliness a Name

Losing Loneliness Part 1 Giving Loneliness a Name
The hardest part of loneliness is admitting to ourselves that we need friendship. I’ve been struggling with something. I’m not even sure how to explain what it is, but I guess the best word for it is loneliness. I’ve struggled with even writing this post for some time. It isn’t any thing that someone has said or done that has made me feel lonely and I certainly don’t want someone to take this personally.

A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be.  ~Douglas PagelsLosing Loneliness Part 1 Giving Loneliness a Name

One of the most incredible things for me at Allume was Saturday night. Listening to Ann Voskamp speak, and worshiping the Lord with a room full of women. Crying arm in arm with a friend I hadn’t met until a few days before and hadn’t spent time with until we sat down for dinner. I have never experienced anything like that in my life. I have never, EVER cried on the shoulder of a friend. I have always been the strong one, the one who played bodyguard and comforter. No one has ever been those things for me.

I think knowing that something like that could exist, has added to my loneliness.

Allume, while wonderful: Life does go on afterward and ended up being a lot like high school graduation, when everyone has the best intentions of keeping in touch. But it just doesn’t happen. Life resumes and keeps soldiering on.

I’ve tried, but so often I feel as though in real life we are all way too busy and most women have no desire, or time, to gain a friend.

People always tell me that they wish they were better at keeping in touch: The bottom line is whether it’s a priority or not. I try very hard to keep in touch with people and usually end up feeling hurt.

It’s so easy to become wrapped up in our own every days.

I struggle when I meet new people with putting myself out there, following up, and then wonder if I come on too strong, when I haven’t heard from them in a while.

I’ve started going to a Mom to Mom group at a local church. The kids go too, and they get to have some fun play time with other kids. The group has certainly helped, a bit. I enjoy having a couple of hours to spend time in God’s word with other moms. But it hasn’t gotten rid of the loneliness. I’m the new kid on the block. Everyone there is already a friend to the rest.

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:  If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Matt is my best friend…my absolute best friend. But I have been searching for a best-girl-friend for decades. I’ve been praying for at least the past few years. I’m not kidding.  In elementary/middle/high school and college I was always a floater, trying to figure out where I fit in best, who I could really make a connection with, and it just hasn’t happened.  I’ve often felt I’ve entered groups in which the friendships are already established.

I have {literally} a couple of friends that I’ve known forever, but unless I’m the one intentionally seeking them out for lunch-dates or emails, the friendships would most likely end. That’s hard, because I feel like the problem is me. And it may be. But I kind of wish someone would tell me that. Rather than me keep banging my hand against the wall.


I’m not writing this post looking to share my pearls of wisdom as to the solution of this problem nor am I seeking pity. Just sharing my struggle with finding a meaningful, intentional friendship with someone that I just “click” with, because I’m sure that I’m not the only one who feels lonely.

Others in This Series
I. Giving Loneliness a Name
II. The Devil’s Snare
III. Countering the Devil’s Plot


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