And again. And Again. Ad Nauseum.
I often feel like a failure when I’ve managed to do something well in the past, but picking it back up again is a struggle. Why can’t things just STAY DONE?!
My weight, and exercising, is no different.
Today is 9 months since my surgery. I walked a grand total of 76 miles last year, the majority of it was BEFORE surgery. In 2018 I had walked 569.8 miles. I failed….miserably.
Of course there are all the excuses, all the reasons and justifications WHY I just didn’t, and they’re all very real and valid, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’ve gone almost a full year without walking regularly and weightlifting.
This year we have 3 weddings, including my sister’s. There are big birthdays and anniversaries to celebrate. Lots of picture opportunities. I don’t want to be where I am now in them.
A year ago, I LOVED, LOVED, my arms and my back. They were strong and toned. There was no fly-away. There was no flab. I am not comfortable wearing any dresses right now.
But here’s the problem. I’m not sure I’m ready to do this.
I am a different person now than I was 18 months ago; neither is better or worse, just different. It’s an entirely different head-space to be in, to focus on your body and exercise and what you physically look like. And for me, I don’t know how to do that in a way different than I did before.
I have to go back to being a very selfish person.
I have to go back to being seen, putting myself out there, in a way exposing myself, because for me I THRIVE on getting feedback about the changes. I love the comments on how my body is changing, getting stronger, leaner.
While I do have to do this for myself, it’s very hard for me to do this and not become overly focused on how I look.
I change….how I dress, how I think, how I act, what music I listen to. And while I like the results, I don’t love the work to get there.
Here I go anyways…
- Walk every day, at least 1.5 miles or 30 minutes
- Drink 4 – 32 ounce waters a day
- Have a Protein Shake or THM S Breakfast (FP Oats or Eggs)
- Salad or FP Cracker Sandwich for Lunch
- STOP SNACKING when the kids get home from school
- Weight lift on Tuesday and Thursday mornings (while Peter’s at school) and on Saturday
- Get down to 165lbs (Starting Weight 194.4lbs)
- Knees not hurting when walking up the stairs
- Arms not jiggling when I brush my teeth
- Not feeling so exhausted all the time
- Feeling proud and comfortable in my body, with and without clothes