Get Back Up....again - Jessica M. White

And again. And Again. Ad Nauseum.

I often feel like a failure when I’ve managed to do something well in the past, but picking it back up again is a struggle. Why can’t things just STAY DONE?!

My weight, and exercising, is no different.

Today is 9 months since my surgery. I walked a grand total of 76 miles last year, the majority of it was BEFORE surgery. In 2018 I had walked 569.8 miles. I failed….miserably.

Of course there are all the excuses, all the reasons and justifications WHY I just didn’t, and they’re all very real and valid, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’ve gone almost a full year without walking regularly and weightlifting.

This year we have 3 weddings, including my sister’s. There are big birthdays and anniversaries to celebrate. Lots of picture opportunities. I don’t want to be where I am now in them.

A year ago, I LOVED, LOVED, my arms and my back. They were strong and toned. There was no fly-away. There was no flab. I am not comfortable wearing any dresses right now.

But here’s the problem. I’m not sure I’m ready to do this.

I am a different person now than I was 18 months ago; neither is better or worse, just different. It’s an entirely different head-space to be in, to focus on your body and exercise and what you physically look like. And for me, I don’t know how to do that in a way different than I did before.

I have to go back to being a very selfish person.

I have to go back to being seen, putting myself out there, in a way exposing myself, because for me I THRIVE on getting feedback about the changes. I love the comments on how my body is changing, getting stronger, leaner.

While I do have to do this for myself, it’s very hard for me to do this and not become overly focused on how I look.

I change….how I dress, how I think, how I act, what music I listen to. And while I like the results, I don’t love the work to get there.

Here I go anyways…

Goals

Walk every day, at least 1.5 miles or 30 minutes
Drink 4 – 32 ounce waters a day
Have a Protein Shake or THM S Breakfast (FP Oats or Eggs)
Salad or FP Cracker Sandwich for Lunch
STOP SNACKING when the kids get home from school
Weight lift on Tuesday and Thursday mornings (while Peter’s at school) and on Saturday