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Encouragement

The Devil’s Snare: How Satan Uses Loneliness to Keep Us from God

March 4, 2013 By Jessica Leave a Comment

Satan uses our loneliness to keep us from God. After my post last week, about my struggles with loneliness, the outpouring I’ve received from readers as well as those in real life has been incredible. One of the commenters summed it up best, “Our pastor was just at our house last night. He said one of the biggest issues with the young moms in the church right now is loneliness… it’s not just you.”

After reading all the messages that people have been sending me, I realized a few things: I’m not alone in this {which I already knew}; it’s more prevalent than I realized; and this is borderline epidemic. Satan uses our loneliness to keep us from God The Devil's Snare @JessicaMWhite.com

People who I believed to be most definitely NOT in this category, are.

But, if we’re all desperate for a true, deep, intentional friendship then why don’t we have them? Why are we all struggling with this if we’re not the only one who wants it? Why are we A-L-O-N-E?

There is a simple answer, but of course it isn’t that simple….Satan. If he can keep deep, intentional friendships from happening, it is that much easier for him to attack us in our lives, to win us away from Christ, to keep us alone and at his cruel mercy.

“For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”
Matthew 18:20


God created us for relationship, with Him, with Jesus, with others. If Satan can keep us all apart then we have allowed him to begin to pull not only ourselves apart, but every one of our relationships, including the church. If we stand alone we cannot worship the Lord the way we are called to.

This is so much easier said than done, isn’t it?

Fear. That’s what makes this so hard.

We’ve all been on the receiving end of bitchiness {and yes, I am intentionally using that word}. We have all felt the nasty looks, comments, and judgment from other women. Whether it was in elementary school, high school, college or the supermarket last week. It may even have come from other Christian women. Regardless of the when, where or how, we have ALL felt it.

Satan uses our loneliness to keep us from God The Devil's Snare @JessicaMWhite.com

In feeling it, over and over and over again, we have withdrawn into ourselves. We feel safer alone than to put ourselves out there one more time, knowing that we {more than likely} would once again be slapped in the face and our souls clawed at. It hurts. No one wants to hurt like that. The pain of loneliness is bearable, comfortable, expected, so much less humiliating than the pain of cattiness.

While I still don’t have the solution to this problem, I do have some ideas as to what we can do.

Be kind, none of us know all the details of anyone else’s story;
Be appreciative, if someone has done some thing that touched you {a card, a hug, a minute of time} let them know you appreciated it;
Reach out to others, whether they look like they have it all together in the friend-department or not;
Show grace, none are perfect, particularly when put on the spot, we don’t always say or do things the best way
{I know I’ve often said/done something only to be haunted later by how someone could have misunderstood me};
Pray, that no matter what we say or do or how someone takes it that God will use it for good.

 

Others in This Series
I. Giving Loneliness a Name
II. The Devil’s Snare
III. Countering the Devil’s Plot

Filed Under: Losing Loneliness Tagged With: Encouragement, Faith, Friendship, Intentional Living, Loneliness

Giving Loneliness a Name

February 25, 2013 By Jessica Leave a Comment

The hardest part of loneliness is admitting to ourselves that we need friendship. I’ve been struggling with something. I’m not even sure how to explain what it is, but I guess the best word for it is loneliness. I’ve struggled with even writing this post for some time. It isn’t any thing that someone has said or done that has made me feel lonely and I certainly don’t want someone to take this personally.

A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be.  ~Douglas PagelsLosing Loneliness Part 1 Giving Loneliness a Name @JessicaMWhite.com

One of the most incredible things for me at Allume was Saturday night. Listening to Ann Voskamp speak, and worshiping the Lord with a room full of women. Crying arm in arm with a friend I hadn’t met until a few days before and hadn’t spent time with until we sat down for dinner. I have never experienced anything like that in my life. I have never, EVER cried on the shoulder of a friend. I have always been the strong one, the one who played bodyguard and comforter. No one has ever been those things for me.

I think knowing that something like that could exist, has added to my loneliness.

Allume, while wonderful: Life does go on afterward and ended up being a lot like high school graduation, when everyone has the best intentions of keeping in touch. But it just doesn’t happen. Life resumes and keeps soldiering on.

I’ve tried, but so often I feel as though in real life we are all way too busy and most women have no desire, or time, to gain a friend.

People always tell me that they wish they were better at keeping in touch: The bottom line is whether it’s a priority or not. I try very hard to keep in touch with people and usually end up feeling hurt.

It’s so easy to become wrapped up in our own every days.

I struggle when I meet new people with putting myself out there, following up, and then wonder if I come on too strong, when I haven’t heard from them in a while.

I’ve started going to a Mom to Mom group at a local church. The kids go too, and they get to have some fun play time with other kids. The group has certainly helped, a bit. I enjoy having a couple of hours to spend time in God’s word with other moms. But it hasn’t gotten rid of the loneliness. I’m the new kid on the block. Everyone there is already a friend to the rest.

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:  If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Matt is my best friend…my absolute best friend. But I have been searching for a best-girl-friend for decades. I’ve been praying for at least the past few years. I’m not kidding.  In elementary/middle/high school and college I was always a floater, trying to figure out where I fit in best, who I could really make a connection with, and it just hasn’t happened.  I’ve often felt I’ve entered groups in which the friendships are already established.

I have {literally} a couple of friends that I’ve known forever, but unless I’m the one intentionally seeking them out for lunch-dates or emails, the friendships would most likely end. That’s hard, because I feel like the problem is me. And it may be. But I kind of wish someone would tell me that. Rather than me keep banging my hand against the wall.

So….

I’m not writing this post looking to share my pearls of wisdom as to the solution of this problem nor am I seeking pity. Just sharing my struggle with finding a meaningful, intentional friendship with someone that I just “click” with, because I’m sure that I’m not the only one who feels lonely.

Others in This Series
I. Giving Loneliness a Name
II. The Devil’s Snare
III. Countering the Devil’s Plot

Filed Under: Losing Loneliness Tagged With: Encouragement, Faith, Friendship, Intentional Living, Loneliness

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