Being Me Archives - Page 2 of 10

People! There is so much in my head. SO MUCH!! I’ve not posted in 5 months: I’m much more active on Instagram. I think that’s part of my issue, I really don’t see the point in this space anymore.

TL;DR —> Things are good. Crazy, but OK.
I’m in Grad School and heading this weekend to Paris.

People swear up and down that they still read blogs, maybe it’s just mine. It’s a very defeating feeling to put the effort into actual posts (not just these “Hi! I’ve been gone, here’s what’s happening posts”) and get no feedback beyond Instagram. It’s like….Why bother?

And….It’s a LOT OF WORK putting together a blog post with graphics and all the SEO nonsense. The only reason why I still have this blog (rather than my old blogspot one) is that we use wordpress for the distillery’s website.

I’m trying to get more comfortable with doing videos, because honestly when you disappear for 5 months, there’s a LOT to catch up when you’re typing it all up. Since my 4 year old has my phone, the computer video camera is shite, and I don’t have all day, here’s the bullet list:

Surgery recovery has gone well. My getting back in shape has not. I’ve done NADA all summer long. My eating has been sporadically good. I was up to 193, but managed to reign it back down to 185lbs.
- My scar is still pretty gnarly looking, and it’s stretched some, which makes it wider and not as nice. I don’t think it had anything to do with weight gain, and everything to do with having been stitched up so tight.

In the Spring we officially decided on my going back to school to get my Master’s in Information Science School Library. The hypothetical on that is vastly different from the reality of going back to college.
- I hate it. I don’t like the online aspect. I haven’t done a THING in our house (cleaning or quilts {trying to sell for $$$$} or anything)…it’s in shambles. I’m kinda hoping the husband cleans while I’m gone.
- I’m not sure if I’m going to continue Grad School after this semester. It’s not hard, I’m fine with the classes. It’s balancing it with all the other STUFF in our life. PEOPLE! I have 5 kids, and all the schedules that go with that, that I’m trying to navigate.
- If I had an end goal/purpose for it I think I’d be more down for grad school. The whole purpose is for me to potentially work in our kids’ elementary school as the librarian.
- Ummm…I don’t even know if I want that work load, the cost of going back to school, I can substitute teach and make money and see my kids without the Master’s. New York’s laws are getting more fucked up, and there’s a very real chance that everyone will be coming home to homeschool in the next few years.

I’m heading to Paris this weekend with my sister, and a friend of her’s.
- We don’t speak French. We have an AirBnB. I’m excited and nervous and kind of scared shitless about this whole thing. I usually travel with Matthew, and he’s the navigator. I can’t tell directions for beans.

My stress level has gone through the roof. Between grad school, kids, life, finances, all of it. I’ve been grinding my teeth so badly, that I’ve cracked one of my molars and need a crown, which we can’t afford. I have since got a new night guard, hopefully that will help.

I think that about sums it up. If you really want to keep up with me, visit Instagram. I miss this space and writing, but it just seems to be me in my own little corner, in my own little chair.

Aurevoir!

I’ve been sharing over on Instagram about my recovery from surgery on April 2nd to get my Diastasis Recti repaired, but I know a lot of you over here aren’t on IG.

Over the past two years I have been trying to resolve the issues I’ve had with back pain and the excess skin I have from triplets. No one was able to provide me with any help or guidance.

My PCP told me, “It’s not like they can just stitch the muscles back together.” No that’s actually exactly what they do.

My OBGYN had never heard of DR, but was willing to refer me to a general surgeon.

The general surgeon proceeded to tell me “There are many causes for back pain; DR is NEVER one of them.”
Actually that’s the first and most predominant symptom of DR.

December 2017, I finally saw a plastic surgeon. He was the first person who didn’t look at me like I was crazy. 2018 was a year of losing as much weight as a could and getting stronger, all in the hopes of getting insurance to cover at least a part of bill.

The repeatedly refused: Having your stomach muscles stitched back together so that you have a functioning core is considered a cosmetic procedure.

Last winter sucked. There’s no other way to put it. It was icy and miserable. Walking every night was a death trap, and I eventually gave up. Throw in all the other stuff we were dealing with and it just didn’t happen. (I share more about that HERE).

Now that I’ve caught you up to speed.

On April 2nd, I went into surgery. What should’ve been 3.5 hours ended up being over 5 hours. My separation, which was thought to be 7-8 cm (just under 3″) ended up being 15 cm (6″).

I hate anesthesia. It takes forever for me to come out of it and days to recover from it. I actually realized that the reason I don’t like drinking is that being buzzed/drunk reminds me of anesthesia recovery. Not good.

Today, I am 4 weeks out of recovery. I’m doing more, spending more time upright, but I’m still weeks, if not months, away from reaching my baseline. I’m terrified that I’m going to do something and end up with a failed repair (i.e. the muscles re-separate). It does happen, but hopefully not to me.

Many of the failed repairs are chocked up to using dis-solvable sutures, which of course I have. My doctor talked me through the reasoning and I agree with him: The existence of a foreign object in your body and the possible complications. Also, if a re-tear occurs with permanent sutures, it’s very likely that it will shred the muscle, making the next option for repair mesh.

I’m not going to reiterate all the details of my recovery here…if you’re interested you can go to Instagram (the profile is public, so you don’t need an account to access it).

I refrained from showing the most gruesome of the photos (those are on Instagram), but here are before/after pictures from the day before surgery to 4 weeks post-op. I can’t get them any bigger, but you should be able to click on them to see them bigger.

This is one of the most measurable pictures for me. Obviously there is a drastic difference between before and after, BUT you can see my freckles in this one, which shows just HOW MUCH extra skin was removed from my upper abdomen. I have no more stretch marks on my stomach, only the ones on my flanks/hips.

I did try my bathing suit on today. I have a few more weeks of being in a full binder (imagine a velcro and elastic corset from boobs to hips) 24/7 then I can remove it to sleep at night, with, I’m assuming 4-6 weeks of wearing it during the day. Then I’ll transition to a compression garment (think spanx).

I wasn’t sure how that was going to work with the pool, but my bathing suit bottoms should be ok. The problem is that it’s my upper stomach that needs the support.

As for my stats, the day of surgery my measurements were 45-40-45.5 (bust/waist/hips) and I was weighing 190. Today I’m measuring 45.5-37-45 and weighing 183.5. I’m expecting my waist measurement to go down a little as the swelling resolves and I’m able to exercise more.

I miss being physical, whether it was walking, lifting, or just being able to do stuff. It will come. For now, I’m just grateful that the first place I gain weight is my boobs.

So for now, I just keep taking it slow. I’m still not doing much around the house, the odd load of laundry, making breakfast or lunch, easy dinners. I pick the kids up from school, and honestly, all of that is enough. Much more and I’m super tired and swollen.

I’ll get there. I knew going in that I had 2-3 months of recovery until I was at bare-minimum, a year before I’m back to me and exercising. One month down!

An Update from moi…

Diastasis Recti – 4 Weeks Post Op