For both you and your husband sex is when we are most vulnerable. We feel that every physical aspect of ourselves is on display for ridicule. While your body has changed, I’m sure your husband’s has too and I’m sure there are things he’s self conscious about in sex. Talk about these things: Talk about how you can both be more comfortable with and respectful of each other’s vulnerabilities.

Take the sharing of those vulnerabilities as a gift, use them only for good. Use sex as a way to become closer with your husband, a place in which truly you are both figuratively and literally naked and unashamed before each other. These are the things that no one else in the world will {and should} know about the other.

Now, in order to get to the actual sex part you have to put in the actual pursuing part. Most people think of foreplay as just the actions immediately prior to actual sex, but it doesn’t have to be, it can be an all day pursuit. Once you’ve talked to your husband and asked him questions about what he likes and what things rev his engine, you will have an infinitely better idea of how to be in hot pursuit of your husband.

Maybe it’s passionate kissing in a closet for a few seconds, maybe squeezing his bum, or whispering something in his ear. Maybe it’s lingerie or notes of suggestion. The point is to find out what gets him going, then figure out what gets you going and meet in the middle. If lingerie is not your thing, then it isn’t going to be something you’re willing to do {and your husband will know if you’re not comfortable and that will do nothing for what you’re trying to accomplish}.

Honestly, if you’re just being physical with your husband and looking to get him riled up, that will more than likely rile him up: It’s the power of suggestion! Just as it’s flattering to us when we are found attractive and desirous it is the same for our husbands; let the person who finds him most desirous be you.

***One thing I really truly want to reiterate here is that your marriage bed should only ever be the two of you. Don’t be discussing your marriage and sex with others. This falls under the vulnerability thing….just as you want to know that your secrets are safe with your husband, respect that he has invited you into his vulnerabilities too

*Find more posts from this series here: Pursuing Your Husband.

Depending on who you are, you may or may not consider this to be the most important aspect of your marriage. Chances are though that to your husband it’s pretty important. Every once in a while some study floats around for a bit about how differently men and women perceive sex. Women view sex as a by product of romance, men view romance as a by product of sex. The struggle is to get both husband and wife on the same page, so that sex is not a battle ground.

The best way to do that is to sit down with your husband and talk. Talk about sex. If the idea of talking to your husband about sex makes you uncomfortable, then you REALLY need to talk about sex, because it should never be an uncomfortable conversation between you. Find out what he likes: When, how, where, what….all of it. Once you know that, then think about what you things you like and how to compromise on them.

Sex needs to be a common ground between you. It’s not meant as a weapon or tool of manipulation. It is meant as one of the deepest ways to connect with your husband, both physically and emotionally. It is the way in which you can build him up the most, or completely tear him down. Pursuing your husband in the bedroom is one of the most important, if not THE most important way in which your husband feels like a man, and feels your love. 

In our society we’ve gotten away from the whole waiting until marriage to have sex. We truly have diminished the value and importance of sex within our marriage. Our society has cheapened it to be just S-E-X and not this truly deep and meaningful experience. And while society may have cheapened it, it hasn’t changed how our bodies and minds are wired to respond to sex. It is truly, TRULY one of the single most important aspects of your marriage with your husband.

I’m going to share something with you {mom you can stop reading now}:

I think one of the biggest reasons why our marriage has survived through some of the hardest things {hard things…divorce-level things} is because we didn’t stop having sex. We kept pursuing one and other in our marriage bed. If we had withdrawn into ourselves we would have felt even more detached and adrift from each other, and more than likely our marriage would have crumbled as a result of that.

For reasons beyond either of us, it was during those times that we intensely wanted each other, and I can only chalk that up to God, because for all logic they should have been times that we both shutdown from the other and wanted nothing to do with the other in such a raw and vulnerable way.

*Find more posts from this series here: Pursuing Your Husband.