• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

JessicaMWhite.com

Life in the White House

  • Home
  • About Jessica
    • Meet Jessica
    • Our Infertility Story
  • Writing
    • Books
      • Reviews
    • Creating
    • Faith
    • Family
    • Our Home
    • Guest Posts
  • Series
    • Pursuing Your Husband
    • From Busy to Blessing: How to Use Your Martha to be a Mary
    • Routines in the White House: Life with Lots of Littles
    • White House Renovations
    • Finding Faith
    • Losing Loneliness
  • Work with Me
    • Disclosure Policy
  • Contact Me

When Life Doesn’t Go According to Plan….

October 17, 2018 By Jessica Leave a Comment

I can’t seem to get these words out…mostly because I don’t know how to say what I want to say, and it’s not something I want to share with everyone.

Things on the income/employment front have been less than stellar.

We had our usual fair season in August, which was a mess. It rained all week. To the point that the fairground parking lot was closed because of the mud. We lost money this year. Then the following week, after a variety of things (many long standing) Matt quit his job with my parents. Friday is his last day. He has one more paycheck, and then I don’t know.

We won’t starve. We won’t be homeless. God’s got this. All of this I know and yet…

My anxiety has been through the roof. My stress level is sky rocketing. I honestly don’t feel it’s because of us not having any income soon. I truly do feel that it’s a wide variety of things, because I’ve been feeling this way for a while. I’ve just been ignoring it.

We’ve had HUGE changes in our lives. In the Spring we decided to send the kids to public school, because they wanted to go and because I felt I was drowning in homeschooling and failing them terribly (logically I know I wasn’t). Our house has become a huge stress point for me because it is in such a state of chaos from unfinished and unorganized construction projects, compounded by 5 kids. Throw in the looming unknown, and I think it’s just the perfect storm.

All of this to say…I’m not ok. I’m really, REALLY struggling with life right now. I’m trying to see the things that God is pointing out to me and I’m either in such a state of denial that I’m oblivious or I’m just full of pride with how well I’m handling things. Either way isn’t good.

Matt will find a job, or I will. The house projects will get done (Hey…maybe that’s why he hasn’t found a job yet…so that he can help me get our house in order…looking on the bright side). The kids are loving school (for the most part). Life is truly good. I just wish my heart would stop racing and this feeling of panic would go away.

I listened to a podcast (I can’t remember which) and the person being interviewed said something about her struggle when she and her husband were in a season of no income. That she felt like she was supposed to DO something, make money somehow, rather than just sitting back and letting God. BUT God wanted her to just trust in him to provide everything, to not be busy doing.

That’s where I am. Because doesn’t God help those who help themselves? Aren’t I supposed to be the wife/mom who works hard for her family, bringing in an income?

Right now that’s what I’m doing…putting all my entrepreneurial skills to use. Selling the things we don’t need (furniture, electronics, etc) and setting myself up to do several holiday craft markets where I’m hoping I’ll sell my beeswax candles and some other home decor things Matthew and I make. BUT is that what I’m SUPPOSED to be doing?!

We’re still hoping Matthew will get a job interview somewhere. I’ve applied for two different jobs, one of them is a temporary fix, the other is more of a commitment of time, but a perfect fit for me (director of our town library). I haven’t been offered either job, but I’m in a tumult as to which is the right one to accept.

I have no idea….I need God to give me a swift kick in the rear or slap across the face, because I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing or how to decide on anything.

For now….I’m thinking of starting my etsy shop back up and hopefully between that and holiday markets that I’m signed up for we will be able to keep the lights on.

 

Share this:

  • Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)
  • Click to print (Opens in new window)

Related

Filed Under: A Look at Our Life, Faith, Intentional Living, Making a Home Tagged With: Faith, Intentional Living, Work

Previous Post: « The Year of Living Happy {a Review}
Next Post: What I’ve Been Reading – November 2018 »

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

Meet Jess

Recent Posts

  • Harry Potter, an updated reading
  • Speak Up…before it’s too late.
  • You are valued.
  • Life Will Throw You a Curveball…Plan for it.
  • Racism in America: Educate Yourself

Follow Me on Instagram

Popular Posts

  • Diastasis Recti - 4 Weeks Post Op
    Diastasis Recti - 4 Weeks Post Op
  • Cloth Diapers?! You Must Be Insane!
    Cloth Diapers?! You Must Be Insane!
  • Pride and Poopie Diapers
    Pride and Poopie Diapers

Categories

What I’ve Been Reading

Follow Me on Pinterest

Thank You for Your Support

Copyright © 2022 · Foodie Pro Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

loading Cancel
Post was not sent - check your email addresses!
Email check failed, please try again
Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.