Browsing Category: A Look at Our Life

Take a peak at what our life with 5 littles {including triplets} is like!

When Life Doesn’t Go According to Plan….

I can’t seem to get these words out…mostly because I don’t know how to say what I want to say, and it’s not something I want to share with everyone.

Things on the income/employment front have been less than stellar.

We had our usual fair season in August, which was a mess. It rained all week. To the point that the fairground parking lot was closed because of the mud. We lost money this year. Then the following week, after a variety of things (many long standing) Matt quit his job with my parents. Friday is his last day. He has one more paycheck, and then I don’t know.

We won’t starve. We won’t be homeless. God’s got this. All of this I know and yet…

My anxiety has been through the roof. My stress level is sky rocketing. I honestly don’t feel it’s because of us not having any income soon. I truly do feel that it’s a wide variety of things, because I’ve been feeling this way for a while. I’ve just been ignoring it.

We’ve had HUGE changes in our lives. In the Spring we decided to send the kids to public school, because they wanted to go and because I felt I was drowning in homeschooling and failing them terribly (logically I know I wasn’t). Our house has become a huge stress point for me because it is in such a state of chaos from unfinished and unorganized construction projects, compounded by 5 kids. Throw in the looming unknown, and I think it’s just the perfect storm.

All of this to say…I’m not ok. I’m really, REALLY struggling with life right now. I’m trying to see the things that God is pointing out to me and I’m either in such a state of denial that I’m oblivious or I’m just full of pride with how well I’m handling things. Either way isn’t good.

Matt will find a job, or I will. The house projects will get done (Hey…maybe that’s why he hasn’t found a job yet…so that he can help me get our house in order…looking on the bright side). The kids are loving school (for the most part). Life is truly good. I just wish my heart would stop racing and this feeling of panic would go away.

I listened to a podcast (I can’t remember which) and the person being interviewed said something about her struggle when she and her husband were in a season of no income. That she felt like she was supposed to DO something, make money somehow, rather than just sitting back and letting God. BUT God wanted her to just trust in him to provide everything, to not be busy doing.

That’s where I am. Because doesn’t God help those who help themselves? Aren’t I supposed to be the wife/mom who works hard for her family, bringing in an income?

Right now that’s what I’m doing…putting all my entrepreneurial skills to use. Selling the things we don’t need (furniture, electronics, etc) and setting myself up to do several holiday craft markets where I’m hoping I’ll sell my beeswax candles and some other home decor things Matthew and I make. BUT is that what I’m SUPPOSED to be doing?!

We’re still hoping Matthew will get a job interview somewhere. I’ve applied for two different jobs, one of them is a temporary fix, the other is more of a commitment of time, but a perfect fit for me (director of our town library). I haven’t been offered either job, but I’m in a tumult as to which is the right one to accept.

I have no idea….I need God to give me a swift kick in the rear or slap across the face, because I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing or how to decide on anything.

For now….I’m thinking of starting my etsy shop back up and hopefully between that and holiday markets that I’m signed up for we will be able to keep the lights on.

 

Comment A Look at Our Life, Faith, Intentional Living, Making a Home

Do Things Scared

There are some massive changes going on in our family this summer. While we’re all excited for them, I have to admit, I’m honestly terrified too. Us moms, we ultimately just want our kids to be happy, well adjusted people, who aren’t turds. I think that’s something we can all agree on. Of course the pathways there are numerous and everyone seems to have an opinion on “what is best”.

As of July 1st, I will be hanging up my hat as a homeschool mom. It’s kind of a struggle, I feel like I’m somehow losing my credentials as a mom. That by not homeschooling I’m giving up and taking a shortcut. 

I shared a few weeks ago about the possibility of our oldest four going to school in the fall. The decisions have been made and teacher assignments are in the mail. Avelyn will be going into second grade and Henry, James, and Ellie will be going to kindergarten.

Academically I think those are the right choices for them, my concern remains for the social aspect. My kids are going to be a full year to two years older than the kids in their grades. Ultimately, that’s not a big deal, because who cares how old you are when you graduate high school.

It’s more my concern that they will stick out. I’m also hoping that their maturity and age will set them apart from their classmates in a good way, that they will have the strength to do and say what is right, and not cave to the negatives of peer pressure.

So yea, I’m nervous. I’m scared. But I’m also hopeful and excited. I think it’s the right time.

People have also assumed that we’ve thrown in towel on homeschooling, we haven’t. It’s just not what is working for us right now. Maybe in a few years we will come back to homeschool, maybe we won’t. We have always said we will take it a year a time. I can’t predict or know what’s going to happen.

The other big change this summer is that the kids are going to overnight camp! It’s just for two nights, but still, that’s a HUGE deal in our house. Our church diocese has a camp they run all summer long. The kids were excited to try their beginner camp, so we will see how it goes.

I’m hoping and praying that it goes well; particularly since I have one child that does not do well with not being home, not that any of them are fantastic at being away. I’m just hoping I’m not making any midnight drives to pick kids up from 3 hours away.

So, yea…big changes for us. Good changes, but still scary. It’s a good thing my motto for the past year has been do it scared.

 

 

Comment A Look at Our Life, Being Me, Intentional Living, Motherhood