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Life in the White House

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Ten Years in the Making

January 3, 2020 By Jessica Leave a Comment

It has been a year! A decade even.

We started 2010 with the birth of our first child a month before…four years of waiting and wondering if anything we were putting ourselves through would result in being parents.

Ten years later…we have 5 kids. Didn’t see that one coming! Whenever anyone asked about how many children we would have (WHY DO PEOPLE ASK THOSE QUESTIONS?!) my response was “we will take them one at a time” *face palm* We know how that one turned out.

Ten years ago I was a VERY different person.

How could I have NOT changed in the past decade?! No matter what as time marches on things happen and we change with them. In all honesty, I don’t remember much of the past ten years, they’ve all blurred together in a wash, rinse, repeat cycle of babies and bills. 

I don’t remember what I was even like ten years ago. I was, in some ways still very full of hope and optimism for everything, despite having realized how hard life can hit us and how much it can hurt (hello…infertility and a husband that was sidelined for two years due to severe back pain, and then back surgery).

I still didn’t know what our family would look like, and didn’t really dare to dream. I still saw homeschooling in our future, and definitely not public school. Matthew was still working for my parents and there was nothing in our minds as to that ending.

If anything I have realized the importance of being able to stand on my own two feet. In someways I have become jaded and hardened about the world, and I don’t think of that as a bad thing. I have realized that while I want friends and family around me,  I need to be able to distance myself and do what needs to be done for myself, and not in a selfish way.

I have seen too much to be content to sit with my blinders on, unaware of what is going on around me. I have seen too many families pulled apart, women left scrabbling to provide for their children, too many women sacrificing themselves and who God created them to be, for the idealization of some image as a wife and mother.

For myself, I have made it a priority to grow, to distance myself from the relationships, ideas, and things that are harming me. It isn’t easy: People especially don’t like it when you refuse to play their game by their rules, and there have been a lot of players in my life.

What does the decade of 2020 look like for me?

I have not a clue. The past year has taught me that. I’m sure some would advise that I “vision cast” and write my “5 Year Plan”, but I can’t. All I can do is move forward on whatever path I choose at that moment.

Maybe I’ll finish my Master’s, maybe I won’t. Maybe we’ll move a few towns or states away, maybe we’ll stay right where we are. Maybe I’ll be working full time as a librarian, maybe I’ll be homeschooling a handful of my kids. 

Whatever pathway I’m on I can promise you this; there will be books, there will be quilts, there will be food, there will be my children growing up and out, there will be traveling, there will be making and meeting new {online} friends. There will be struggle, and heartache, and tears, but there will also be growth, and joy, and love.

In 10 years I will be almost 50…I can’t wrap my head around that.

For now though, I wish you all a wonderful New Year, and I will see you in 2020.

Filed Under: A Look at Our Life, Homeschool, Intentional Living, Making a Home, Marriage, Motherhood, Travel, Travel, Triplets

Get Back Up….again

January 2, 2020 By Jessica Leave a Comment

And again. And Again. Ad Nauseum.

I often feel like a failure when I’ve managed to do something well in the past, but picking it back up again is a struggle. Why can’t things just STAY DONE?!

My weight, and exercising, is no different.

Today is 9 months since my surgery. I walked a grand total of 76 miles last year, the majority of it was BEFORE surgery. In 2018 I had walked 569.8 miles. I failed….miserably.

Of course there are all the excuses, all the reasons and justifications WHY I just didn’t, and they’re all very real and valid, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’ve gone almost a full year without walking regularly and weightlifting.

This year we have 3 weddings, including my sister’s. There are big birthdays and anniversaries to celebrate. Lots of picture opportunities. I don’t want to be where I am now in them.

A year ago, I LOVED, LOVED, my arms and my back. They were strong and toned. There was no fly-away. There was no flab. I am not comfortable wearing any dresses right now.

But here’s the problem. I’m not sure I’m ready to do this.

I am a different person now than I was 18 months ago; neither is better or worse, just different. It’s an entirely different head-space to be in, to focus on your body and exercise and what you physically look like. And for me, I don’t know how to do that in a way different than I did before.

I have to go back to being a very selfish person.

I have to go back to being seen, putting myself out there, in a way exposing myself, because for me I THRIVE on getting feedback about the changes. I love the comments on how my body is changing, getting stronger, leaner.

While I do have to do this for myself, it’s very hard for me to do this and not become overly focused on how I look.

I change….how I dress, how I think, how I act, what music I listen to. And while I like the results, I don’t love the work to get there.

Here I go anyways…

Goals

  • Walk every day, at least 1.5 miles or 30 minutes
  • Drink 4 – 32 ounce waters a day
  • Have a Protein Shake or THM S Breakfast (FP Oats or Eggs)
  • Salad or FP Cracker Sandwich for Lunch
  • STOP SNACKING when the kids get home from school
  • Weight lift on Tuesday and Thursday mornings (while Peter’s at school) and on Saturday

Results

  • Get down to 165lbs (Starting Weight 194.4lbs)
  • Knees not hurting when walking up the stairs
  • Arms not jiggling when I brush my teeth
  • Not feeling so exhausted all the time
  • Feeling proud and comfortable in my body, with and without clothes

Stats and Measurements

Filed Under: Being Me, Diastasis Recti, Intentional Living

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