Tag Archives: Family

Life Happens – Where I’ve Been for the Past Year or So

I know I kind of fell off the face of the earth for the past, umm year, is it? It’s been a while since I posted anything of any substance, anywhere, longer since I posted anything about my family. I still have drafts I wrote last Summer that I have every intention of publishing…someday. In all honesty, life has been a bit of a struggle for me, the past few months, the past year.

I read something about stress-levels post multiples and how post-partum depression hits later than with singletons. I don’t know if 6 years later is feasible or not. Maybe it is. At just the time they say it hits (2-3 years of age), we had Peter, which didn’t give me the chance to breath…life marched on. There was no time to feel “depressed”.

There’s still no time, but it’s there. The tired, the not caring, the overwhelmed. 

And this is where I always freeze up when it comes to sharing, because no one knows how or wants to admit that they don’t really like themselves or their life sometimes. At least I don’t. And there’s another part that if you are liking who you are becoming or what you are doing, there’s a problem with that too.

I love my husband. I love my kids. I love our home. Sometimes it’s all too much though, too much noise, too much stuff, too many personalities, too many to-dos. And all the too much means there’s not enough of other things…quiet, clean, brain power, focus, clarity.

My mind gets swept along the raging river, bashing into rocks and being sucked under the waves. Sometimes, I’m able to keep my head up, manage to keep afloat amidst the debris, and other times I’m sucked into one of those underwater crevices of a rock and the panic sets in.

They tell me that this is normal, that it’s just “motherhood”. Then why do I feel so alone, despite opening up to others, that no one really is drowning in this as much as I am. I don’t honestly think I’m failing at this, I think I’m doing a pretty darn OK job at mothering these 5, but why does it feel like I’m the only mom that wants to walk away from it, from them?

Last summer my book club read “The Awakening”, and most of the responses of the other moms was how could she leave her children, that she was so selfish for all she was doing…and all I could think was how I “got” what she felt. She would do anything for her children, except kill her “self”.

I’m sure there are many Christian moms that would read this, clutching their pearls, at the very thought of not dying to self, of not living solely for their children. I’m sorry, I can’t, and I don’t honestly think that God wants me to become a shell of a woman for the sake of my children. I don’t for one minute believe that I am supposed to entirely relinquish my interests, identity, or any part of me for my role as a mother.

That said, it’s finding my self, finding the time to remember who I was before any of this, that feels impossible. The part that makes it so impossible is that I’ve always lived for someone else and what they expected of me, so it’s not just FINDING my self, but actually LEARNING who I am, and in that there is a struggle.

When you start figuring out who you are, what your interests are, who you want to be, you have a tendency to piss off people, to disappoint people. You become no longer willing to just make every one else happy, to be a doormat. Suddenly, there’s a whole other part of you. Your interests and opinions and feelings don’t line up with what people expect you to do and be. And that can be a very hard place to be.

It’s very often pointed out that the marriage/husband should be the focus of a family, because after the children are long gone, that will still exist…and it’s true. Your children are your’s for a season, your husband will be your’s until death do you part (baring anything else). But here’s the thing, YOU will be you until forever.

What happens when a spouse dies? You’ve lived your entire life for that person only to not know how to function when they’re gone. I don’t want to do that either. I don’t want to curl up in a ball and not be able to live if something were to happen to my husband, and I know he wouldn’t want that for me, just as I wouldn’t want that for him, no matter how old we were.

Now that I’ve taken this whole big thing to explain what my mental state has been for the past year. I have been in a constant struggle between taking care of my children and husband and taking care of myself. I don’t have an answer on how to manage it. I don’t have a solution.

Sometimes I feel like me. Sometimes I don’t want to get out of bed (I d0 anyways). I’m not sure that there is a way to find a balance between the two, because as soon as I feel like me, I’m hear that I’m failing my family. It’s lovely really *note sarcasm*.

I think the hardest part of my writing and being active on social media, is that I don’t want to be open with certain people in my life. I honestly don’t want to share my struggles with nosy relatives, the neighbors who are just going to gossip, but I don’t know how to cut those ties without insulting someone. So I shut myself up instead. At the time it seems easier.

That said, I am seriously considering going private again as a blogger, because I know I need this space. There are a lot of things that I want to mull over and share and process here, and hopefully in the near future I will be sharing more about things that are going on in my life.

Capital Gaines {a Review}

Capital Gaines a review

Capital Gaines a review

For those who may not know it, Matthew and I own a handful of small businesses. Neither of us have a degree in business, or any business know how. It’s just something we’ve always grown up in (both of our parents’ own their own businesses). If we were smart we would have taken at least a couple of business classes in college, but we didn’t, so we’re always learning by trial-by-fire.

When Chip Gaines’ new book, Capital Gaines, popped up as being available for review I didn’t even hesitate. We need all the help we can get, plus he’s really funny, AND he and Joanna have managed to create quite the empire. While we have no aspirations to create a business that has over 500 employees (I’d be happy with 5 employees), they must be doing something right.

I read Magnolia Story last summer and flew through it, this was the same. It’s just entertaining listening to Chip go on about the things he’s messed up. I can truly appreciate his humor and stories. This was the same, I finished the book in 2 days. Entertaining and informative.

I wrote last month about doing things scared, and not letting fear keep you from living. Chapter after chapter these were the things that Chip was telling me over and over. Don’t let fear keep you from doing what you’ve been called to do. God has got it.

Whether you own a business, want to start a business, or just love the Gaines family…READ THIS BOOK! And FYI, if you have the chance to take some business classes, do it, don’t even think twice.

*I received this book for free from the BookLookBloggers program. However, the opinions are my own. Read my disclosure policy here.

 

Henry, James, and Elanor Turn Six

Henry 

  • Standing 3′ 11.5″
  • Weighing 53 lbs
  • No more Georgie! But he still has to have his oma blankie at bed time
  • Very much into nerf guns
  • Loves Ninja anything
  • He’s still saying he’s never getting married, that he and his friend Roran are going to be ninjas together
  • His laugh is the best…I hope he never loses it
  • He’s definitely a lefty
  • He’s been fantastic with his math
  • Counting and identify his numbers and letters is still a struggle
  • He is still my most snuggly baby….he’s quite content to sit in my lap
  • He definitely has very strong opinions on things, whether it’s clothes or food, or anything else. He knows what he likes and sees no reason to be flexible about it.

James

  • Standing 4′ 3.25″
  • Weighing 60 lbs
  • Probably the more mature of the three. I sometimes forget how old he is and expect things from him beyond what I do the other two.
  • Has the most massive temper…and Avelyn does a perfect job of setting it off.
  • Loves helping in the kitchen and is always wanting to cook something up
  • He’s big….it’s an understatement. He’s strong, and the days that I can throw him over my shoulder are numbered
  • He loves doing his school work, and honestly between the three he’s probably the more rounded when it comes to his numbers and letters.
  • He’s doing ok with both, but the letters are still a struggle.
  • He has a very kind heart, even if he does fly off.
  • He loves to push….push…push. He definitely is the one who pushes me the most.
  • He’s all about doing what the adults are doing…going in the woods, etc. He’s the one that’s the most interested in hunting.

Elanor

  • Standing 3′ 10.46″
  • Weighing 48 lbs
  • This one…phew! She’s exhausting. I love her like crazy, but she takes a ton out of me.
  • We’re always on an emotional roller coaster. One minute fine and the next in tears.
  • I think we’re dealing with anxiety or ADHD or something.
  • She canNOT focus on her schoolwork.
  • School is the biggest struggle with her. She doesn’t seem to retain anything from one day to the next.
  • She can count and identify a few numbers, letter are not happening.
  • She loves playing with dolls
  • Loves her big sister…she has a really hard time on the nights when Avie goes somewhere for a sleepover
  • Ellie’s love language is absolutely touch. She wants to be next to you constantly. I can always tell when she needs to be loved on because the tears happen more and more constantly.

 

IN THEIR OWN WORDS

HENRY

1. What is your favorite color? Blue
2. What is your favorite toy? Nerf Guns
3. Favorite thing to play? Rainbow Tag
4. What is your favorite fruit? Cherries
5. What is your favorite TV show? Ninjago
6. What is your favorite thing to eat for Breakfast? Eggie Sandwich (scrambled egg on toast, with avocado and pepper jack cheese) 
7. What is your favorite thing to eat for Lunch? Mack-y-doodle (mac n cheese)
8. What is your favorite thing to eat for Dinner? Meatballs and Pizza
9. What is your favorite snack? Chip and dip
10. What is your favorite outfit? Batman shirt, black hoodie, and jeans
11. What is your favorite computer game? Lego Star Wars
12. What is your favorite game? Shoot guns with Daddy (Nerf)
13. What is your favorite animal? Dogs
14. What is your favorite song? Transformers’ Theme Song
15. What is your favorite book? Flip Flop Fish
16. Who is your best friend? Roran
17. What is your favorite cereal? Honey nut cheerios
18. What is your favorite thing to do outside? Invite my friends over
19. What is your favorite drink? Milk
20. What is your favorite holiday? Christmas and Birthday
21. What is your favorite vacation we’ve taken? North Carolina…The beach
22. What do you like to take to bed with you at night? My oma blankie, teddy bears
23. What do you want to be when you grow up? A ninja
24. Favorite place to visit? Roran’s House
25.  Least favorite family rule? Obeying
26. Favorite thing about our family? That we play together and go to the pool

JAMES

1. What is your favorite color? Orange
2. What is your favorite toy? Basketball launcher
3. Favorite thing to play? Rainbow Tag and hide and go seek
4. What is your favorite fruit? Sour apples, peaches, and plums, and pears
5. What is your favorite TV show? Transformers Prime
6. What is your favorite thing to eat for Breakfast? Egg in a frame, and dippin’ eggs 
7. What is your favorite thing to eat for Lunch? Oooey Gooey Grill Cheese or Turkey Avocado Sandwich or Liverwurst
8. What is your favorite thing to eat for Dinner? Meatloaf
9. What is your favorite snack? Chip and dip
10. What is your favorite outfit? Spiderman Pajamas at night, and my Captain America Shirt and Sweatpants
11. What is your favorite computer game? Disney Games
12. What is your favorite game? Lightening McQueen Racing and Descendants
13. What is your favorite animal? Fishes
14. What is your favorite song? Hush Little Baby
15. What is your favorite book? Harry Potter
16. Who is your best friend? Abby, Roran
17. What is your favorite cereal? Honey nut cheerios and Rice Crispies…mixed
18. What is your favorite thing to do outside? Talking to Roran through the fence and playing at his house
19. What is your favorite drink? Lemon Ade, and apple cider/juice
20. What is your favorite holiday? Halloween and Christmas and Summer
21. What is your favorite vacation we’ve taken? North Carolina…The beach and Hershey Park
22. What do you like to take to bed with you at night? Hootie, Flaggle, and Crockie
23. What do you want to be when you grow up? Car and Motorcycle Racer
24. Favorite place to visit? Baba and PopPauls, and Oma and Opa
25.  Least favorite family rule? When I have to go to bed.
26. Favorite thing about our family? My brothers and sisters, because they play with me, but not that much, because Avie doesn’t play with me, because she doesn’t like me.

 

ELANOR

1. What is your favorite color? Pink
2. What is your favorite toy? My teddy bear, Dr. Wiggles
3. Favorite thing to play? Barbies
4. What is your favorite fruit? Pineapple
5. What is your favorite TV show? My Little Ponies
6. What is your favorite thing to eat for Breakfast? Chocolate Chip Pancakes
7. What is your favorite thing to eat for Lunch? Pasta
8. What is your favorite thing to eat for Dinner? Spaghetti and Meatballs
9. What is your favorite snack? Carrots and ranch dressing
10. What is your favorite outfit? Pants with a tunic top
11. What is your favorite computer game? Pinkalicious
12. What is your favorite game? Rainbow Tag
13. What is your favorite animal? Bunnies
14. What is your favorite song? Can’t Stop the Feeling
15. What is your favorite book? Harry Potter
16. Who is your best friend? Natalie and Madison
17. What is your favorite cereal? Honey nut cheerios
18. What is your favorite thing to do outside? Go on the swings
19. What is your favorite drink? Water and milk
20. What is your favorite holiday? Christmas and Spring and Summer
21. What is your favorite vacation we’ve taken? Hershey Park
22. What do you like to take to bed with you at night? My oma blankie (it’s called Floki) and Dr. Wiggles
23. What do you want to be when you grow up? A ballerina teacher
24. Favorite place to visit? Roran’s House
25.  Least favorite family rule? Cleaning up the house
26. Favorite thing about our family? That we spend time together

 

Moms, do you believe the lies?

Moms do you believe the lies?

Once again the house is trashed, the kids are fighting, and I’m just trying to keep from bursting into tears or screaming. The self-accusations start flying through my head:

Why can’t I ever get this whole mom-thing right?

Why does it feel like I’m always in survival mode?

I’m not the mom these little people deserve.

Moms, do you believe the lies? That you’re a failure; that you’re not enough; that you should just put your head down and give up because your kids would be better off if you just admitted defeat?

~*~*~*~*~*~

I’m posting over at RaisingGenerationsToday.com today; head on over there to finish reading at  http://www.raisinggenerationstoday.com/moms-believe-lies

{Why} Motherhood Matters {a Review}

Motherhood matters; plain and simple. I’ve known September McCarthy for the better part of 5 years now, and she has always been such a source of wisdom when it has come to motherhood. When she shared the book that God had put on her heart I knew, before reading a page, that it was going to be good. And it does not disappoint.

September shares about her own struggles with not only motherhood, but her path there. Despite 10 children on this earth, there was months of pain, pregnancies ending in sorrow and heartbreak, with 6 angel-babies. September has not only walked the path of motherhood, she has fallen and struggled along.

Why Motherhood Matters

I often say that my judge of a good book is how many pages are dog-eared by the time I’m done with it. Nearly every other page of {Why} Motherhood Matters is dog-eared and marked up. This book is so full of words that are a balm to every mother’s heart, no matter what season of motherhood they’re in.

The book is written in four parts, each addressing a different why of motherhood. From our feeling alone in motherhood to being intentional in motherhood and what that looks like. Each chapter is closed with a few thoughts or questions, a parenting principle, and a prayer.

If you struggle in motherhood, struggle with your parenting, with your inadequacies and your loneliness this book is hope in paperback. It won’t solve your problems, but it will help you to feel not so undone.


{Why} Motherhood Matters is available on Amazon and all other booksellers. BUT, if you place your order before September 1st there are a bunch of awesome freebies available to you, just visit WhyMotherhoodMatters.com and submit your invoice number.

*I received this ARC in response for my honest review. The opinions are my own and in no way influenced. You can read my disclosure policy here.